.another trip around the sun.

"I have flying monkeys. And I'm not afraid to use them!"

those words greeted me happily as I entered a sweet little cabin in the woods, in hendersonville, nc, last wednesday evening. after two months of working my tail off, and getting through mid-terms, I took a little break to visit some of the best people I know. on a sunny october afternoon, I hopped on a bus and made my way back to the mountains. this year, I didn't just have a birth-DAY, it was more like a birth-WEEK. and it was so special.  

you see, last year was one of the most challenging years of my adult life. for many reasons. don't worry, I'm not going to torture you with all of the awful details. suffice it to say, that a struggle is made so much worse when you allow a stubborn unforgiving attitude to govern your actions. thankfully, even though I fought it with everything I had, I was blessed with a friend.

a bright spot in all the chaos. lovely, jill.

she has one of the sweetest spirits I have ever encountered. and though I'm sure she'd love to argue, I have a suspicion that where our friendship is concerned, she may be getting the raw end of the deal. (okay, maybe not...) but really. she has such a genuine heart, inspires me daily to strive for honesty, and oh my goodness can this girl make me laugh! (that might be my favorite thing about her. but I'm getting off topic here...I can't help it! I love bragging on the amazing people God brings into my life!) the point is, that even after a difficult year, and being more ready to move than I could ever tell you, I also had a wonderful reason to come back. 

as a special treat for myself, I had decided to come and surprise all the little munchkins that I worked with last year. the fact that I had a chance to stay in the company of this lovely lady, and her fabulous husband was just a fringe benefit! ;) so, I spent two days walking about the halls of the school I used to work in, and getting many hugs and surprised gasps from excited little ones. fun fact? hugs from seven year-olds are good for the soul. really. try it sometime. 

and the treats just kept on coming. I spent my friday evening at the theater hooping and hollering with the best of them, as my dear friend took her bows with the rest of the talented cast. (have I mentioned she's crazy-brave? yeah.) 

and saturday morning I woke to birthday candles in my french toast breakfast.

finally heading home was incredibly bittersweet. but it also came with an affirmation that I am right where I am supposed to be. not mention, a bit more fun. saturday night I found myself babysitting two of the cutest kiddos ever.  we made a trip to the pool, ate pizza, and spent the rest of the evening watching Home Alone.

sweet sophia. :)

Sunday was a day for catching up with a different pair of my asheville favorites. we had good food, lots of laughs, and even more hugs. in the end my heart was so full, that I thought it might burst. I could not have asked for a better way to bring in a brand new year of my life! I've said it before and I'll say it again. I'm a blessed girl. 

"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom."-Marcel Proust

.begin again.

“so what do we do? anything. something. so long as we just don't sit there. if we screw it up, start over. try something else. if we wait until we've satisfied all the uncertainties, it may be too late."- Lee Iacocca

starting over. 

it's never easy. not for me. I'm a creature of habit, who relishes in the fact that for the most part, she knows what to expect out of her everyday life. I like routine. structure. planning. take that from me, and suddenly my world is spinning on its axis. it's ironic, really. for someone who hates change so much, I sure do put myself through a lot of it. 

every fall for the last three years I have immersed myself in something new. I have picked up my life and moved here and there in search of adventure. this past august was no exception. after spending a year in north carolina loving on little ones, reciting ABC'S, reviewing multiplication tables, fixing boo-boos, and taking every moment I could to give in to my inner child, I found the courage to take a leap. 

I absolutely love being in a room surrounded by precious kiddos, all sporting their adorable, mischievous grins. after months of being given the opportunity to spend my days in the classroom, I was finally able to admit to myself that I wanted to teach. wanted my own group of little ones to pour my heart into. 

so I did it. I packed up all my things, threw them in my car, and made my way back to Georgia. now that I'm here it hardly feels real. in fact I'm almost positive that I spent the first three weeks in a daze. it's true that there are many reasons for which I had the desire to move. but mostly I just couldn't wait to start working toward my own classroom. I was so excited. and also tremendously scared. thankfully, I have the best support system in the world. this is not an embellishment or exaggeration. it's simply the truth. 

and even though I have certainly had my moments of panic in the last two months, I have also been given the grace to begin again. to jump headlong into a brand-new adventure. because I know now more than ever that I am not doing this alone. and for this I am so very grateful.    

so, what have I been up to the last couple of months you ask? classes mostly. I've spent many hours rediscovering my nerdy self, and burying my face in books. I've also been desperately trying to decorate my little apartment, so that it feels more like home. (pictures coming soon) I love it here, and I am so thankful for the blessing to be exactly where I am. 

I may not like change very much. but at least my kicking and screaming is not powerful enough to ruin the good things it brings.

another year you made a promise. another chance to turn it all around. and do not save this for tomorrow. embrace the past and you can live for now. and I will give the world to you." -A Great Big World 

.and, deep breath.

"The secret to teaching is to appear to have known all your life what you just learned this afternoon." 

-Anonymous

I remember many evenings in Honduras, sitting in my dimly lit room, pouring over elementary school curriculum  and praying that in the morning I would be able to explain everything in a way that an eleven year old would understand. I was only one chapter ahead. learning everything right along with her. that first week before we started classes was more than a little scary. but it opened the door to something that changed my life. 

for the last eleven months I've been living in the beautiful mountains of North Carolina surrounded by fresh faced little ones waiting expectantly on me. I don't think I have ever been so nervous. and I wasn't even the one doing the bulk of the teaching. 

I divided my time between 7 classrooms throughout the week. acting as a buffer for the wonderful teachers and staff that surrounded me. I helped with comprehension, explanation, and general childhood curiosity. and I loved every minute of it. I had the pleasure of leading small math and reading enrichment groups as well. and sometimes it was my job to simply run around on the playground playing tag with eight year old munchkins, I could not have possibly asked for anything better. 

I spent my afternoons mastering the art of parent communication, and becoming familiar with all of the behind the scenes work that goes into helping the school day run smoothly. I am now a master in phone etiquette, first aid, and all things clerical. 

everyday after school I lead different tutoring group. we played games and spent ridiculous amounts of time giggling. yes, there was some learning going on as well, but mostly it was a space to just be. with snacks, books, music, coloring, and conversation. 

and then I blinked and it was summer.

 I fell in love with these kids. I learned just as much from them as they did from me. and that is just as it should be. they reminded me that courage can be found where you least expect it, and that when you really love what you do the rough days are not what matter. they just make the good days that much sweeter. I'm moving on in just a couple of weeks. using the courage I've gathered from these little ones to take a giant next step. I am headed toward a teaching degree. and a classroom of my own.

 I am going to miss then terribly. but without this experience I would have never been brave enough to make that choice. my days are dwindling. and my room is filling up with boxes and packed up suitcases. I'm getting ready for the next adventure. 

with shaking hands. and feet that are not quite so steady. I'll dive.

"Courage is grace under pressure."
-Ernest Hemingway 

.salute to j-o-y.

"I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it's the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It's probably the most important thing in a person."
 -Audrey Hepburn 

this is becoming more and more true in my life every day. and it's so simple. 

to laugh.
 to find a moment of joy that is so overwhelmingly wonderful, you can't help but share it. that telltale giddy feeling that bubbles up from deep within your chest until you have no choice but to burst into a fit of giggles. or let out a stream of hearty laughter. 

it has become such an integral part of  each passing moment for me. especially lately. it sounds silly, no? you must be thinking, "laughing is really that important to you? c'mon." but it is. this year has presented me with one of the greatest challenges I have ever faced. I've never felt more out of my element. I've been away from everything and everyone I know and love. and I've been wading my way through a place and a people whose perspective and opinions on life are completely the opposite of my own. and finding true community has proved impossible. call me coddled if you wish, but I had never experienced anything like this before.

and as the months passed. laughter. and joy .and ease. they began to disappear.
they became less and less frequent. and I spent many months shaking my fist angrily at God and accusing Him of dumping me here and forgetting all about me. my life was becoming a domino run of disaster. this I'm afraid, is only the tip of the iceberg. (and I'm not going to lie. I'm still working my way out of this black hole)

but thankfully. I have a God who is so much greater than everything and anything that I could ever imagine. and He is willing to remind me over and over that He is there through everything. even when I'm too caught up myself to notice.

and thus comes my salute to j-o-y.

over the last few weeks. I have been overwhelmed by the amount of love that has been bestowed upon me. I truly believe that I have been blessed with the best friends in the entire world.
no exaggeration needed.

-the kind who jump in the car and drive. no matter how far away they live. simply because you need them.
-the kind who help you remember that the glass is half full. not half empty.
-the kind who will go the extra mile to make you smile. but love you just the same if you choose to cry.
-the kind who are cunning enough to take care of you. and trick you into thinking you are taking care of yourself.
the kind who remind you. "I was there once too. it gets better."
-the kind who listen.
-the kind who cry with you.

and above all the kind who make you laugh. I mean really laugh. the tears in your eyes. my ribs hurt. I can't breathe kind of laugh. the one that gives you such a sense of joy you have to share it. have to because it's impossible to keep it to yourself.

so. the point? why is this so important? it's easy.
because that's who God is.

He is: love. and joy. and peace. and acceptance.
He meets you where you are and wraps you in His arms not caring where you've been.
and I let myself forget.

but He has sent me a flood of reminders. and I am starting over.

there have been many good things as well. wonderful even. and I plan on sharing them soon.  for now. I'm packing things up in my house and getting ready to start a new season of my life in a place that I love. and I know I won't be doing it alone.

"A sweet friendship refreshes the soul..."-Proverbs 27:9